Brett’s “Gaymer Q&A”: I’m tired of seeing boobs, where are the man bits?

**Hello again Gaymers, Brett here and you’re here for the second installment this little ongoing series called Gaymer Q&A, which well delve deep into the rich world of Gaymer life and culture.  Also jokes! In short, it will fall somewhere between an argument between Ayn Rand and Noam Chomsky and an animated gif of a puppy falling into a tub of frosting.  Enjoy! Opinions of this blog post do not necessarily reflect those of GaymerConnect and are my own, a cis-gendered gay male who is also a dervish of declension and conjurer of conjugation with a million hit points and maximum charisma.**

Q: What if I’m tired of seeing boobs, where are the man bits?

A: Ah boobs, thank God for making women have them on their bodies and having straight men, lesbians, transmen, and pretty much the whole gaming world want to see them in motion so friggin’ much.  Because of this whole “boob” phenomenon, we have a whole host of games which are premised on the protagonist (or even antagonist) having a quite ample bosom.

(I understand many Gaymers aren’t tired of boobs at all, so this is my love letter to you)


Lara Croft


Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball series (now with enhanced boob physics)

Valentina from Mario RPG (when you hit her, her bazooms actually jiggle)

Morrigan (basically Elvira with her own game franchise/anime/etc, way to go Japan)

Ivy (Dominatrix template + whip + gazongas)

Also, if you think I’m being too much with those photo choices, try Google Image searching any of these characters and see what comes up.  A giant wall of boobs.  Many from deviantart.  Shocking.  So aside from our lesbian and transmale Gaymers who have a virtual bevy of boobies to ogle in their favorite games, what about those of us who want a little sausage in our game gumbo.

There actually is plenty of man meat for Gaymers to enjoy, you just have to be looking in the right places.

Fighting games

Yep.  Almost every fighting game has some muscley dude with his shirt off and anatomically impossible muscles.  Ever watch Dragonball Z? That’s the amount of crazy big muscles you can see in fighting games.  Zangief is a particular favorite amongst the bear crowd.

SquareEnix games

If you like guys who will ignore the hell out of you and brood while you consistently help them out, you’ll love any SquareEnix RPG.  The most popular mopey hunks are Squall and Cloud, and boy do they love to be indifferent and quiet about their lives/feelings/killing dudes.  If this sort of co-dependency with soft featured boys gives you a raging emo-boner, here’s a bit of Squall giving a 1000-yard stare to some ocean.


God of War games

If you’re looking to be “inspired” by someone who has a little more of an assertive approach, look no further than Kratos.  He’s super muscley, definitely a top, and would fulfill all of your domination fantasies.  Plus, you don’t have to worry about his ex-wife or kids showing up and ruining things because he already killed them that one time (and many times over in flashbacks).  He’s like that angry looking Latino guy who sits in the back of the club with his back to the wall, maybe you can tame his wild ways.  Oh Kratos, I wouldn’t dare defy the God of War…


Uncharted games

Although I couldn’t play Multiplayer in Uncharted to save my life (See: a decade worth of being terrible at shooting games that aren’t Goldeneye64), its protagonist, Nathan Drake, is quite a looker.  He’s basically young Indiana Jones in a slightly updated wardrobe.  He’s the kind of rugged explorer who shaves just enough to keep a finely manicured level of scruffiness and probably reads Details for tips on what dudely wax will most volumize his hair.  Also he travels alot and is potentially rich.  Check please!



Yaoi/Bara Games

This one is definitely the easiest, as yaoi and bara games are, like their straight counterparts, very loosely games and most certainly porn.  If you want to see cartoon peckeroos that are mind (and ass)-boggingly, as well as galloons of simulated ejaculate, this is where you park your mouse hand.  The one problem with either yaoi or bara games is that most of them are only in Japanese and largely story based.  Many of them are relationship-building games in which you make certain dialog choices to certain characters which affect the story.  The ultimate goal in these types of games is to have graphic virtual sex with your favorite character in the game cast.  You accomplish this by saying nice things, giving them stuff that they clumsily mention that they’re interested in, and doing chores with them.  Sound familiar?  Anyway, this is probably the least pornographic image I could find from a bara game called Ie Tatemasu (“Let’s Build a House!”)



There are probably more examples but my hand [ed: Hey! NSFW!] hands are tired.  Til next time Gaymers!


– Brett